Who Told You That?

This simple question has helped to rewire my brain as someone who deals with rumination rooted in anxiety and OCD

Growing up, I was a chronic over-thinker. My mind often felt like a hamster wheel, spinning endlessly with worries and “what ifs,” spending every waking moment trying to read the moods and feelings of others. My thoughts were haunted by anxiety and obsessive tendencies, driving me into a spiral of rumination that left me exhausted and often paralyzed by indecision. Since this way of thinking had been my reality for as long as I could remember, I didn’t recognize my thought patterns as abnormal until I started therapy. It wasn’t long before I was diagnosed with both anxiety and obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD).

Through years of therapy, I discovered various coping mechanisms to help regulate my thoughts and emotions. One day, during an anxiety spiral, a simple yet profound question popped into my head: “Who told you that?” This question has since reshaped the way I manage my ruminating thoughts.

“Who told you that?” has been a catalyst for self-reflection and has allowed me to disentangle my thoughts from the noise of others. When I feel inadequate because I haven’t reached a specific milestone or I overanalyze someone’s text message, I challenge myself with, “Who told you that you needed to reach this point by now?” or “Who told you they’re upset?” Reclaiming my narrative has been empowering. This practice has helped me realize that my anxiety often has a voice powered by fear rather than reason and that my fears and limitations stem from external pressures or my own projections rather than my reality. An example of this would be assuming that a person I love is getting sick/bored of me because of something as simple as their body language. When I ask myself who told me that, the answer simply is not the person. I then create a space to reflect and identify that these assumptions are rooted in the fear that this relationship will play out as others have, ending in the person getting bored with me and leaving. Now I can dive deeper into my abandonment wounds, tend to them, and remind myself that I am safe and that it is not fair to project my fears onto a relationship that is otherwise healthy and secure.

Engaging with this question doesn’t just reframe negative thoughts; it empowers me to explore deeper issues of identity and self-worth. It invites curiosity rather than judgment, encouraging me to reflect on where my beliefs originate. “Who told you that?” becomes a tool for transformation, prompting me to seek my truth amidst the noise of external expectations.

As I lean into this practice, I’ve noticed a shift in my emotional landscape. While rumination still occurs, its intensity has lessened. The oppressive weight of anxiety feels lighter, allowing me to move through difficult moments without being consumed by them. Instead of getting stuck in the quicksand of my thoughts, I can engage with them from a place of curiosity rather than fear.

If you find yourself caught in a cycle of rumination or questioning your place in relationships, I invite you to incorporate this simple question into your daily routine. The next time anxiety arises, pause and ask yourself, “Who told you that?” Allow it to guide you in unraveling the narratives that no longer serve you.

As we move forward, let’s remember the power of questioning the narratives we’ve inherited. When doubts creep in or external pressures start to weigh us down, we can pause and ask ourselves, “Who told you that?” By doing so, we create space for our own truths and even our fears to emerge. Each time we challenge the assumptions that have been placed upon us, we take a step toward understanding our authentic selves.

With love,

Stephanie