I've heard this from a man who was trying to excuse the damage he had done. Unbeknownst to me at the time, he was still doing damage. I missed the red flag because I was chest-deep in spirituality, while also drinking myself stupid most nights. Now that I know, anytime I see or hear that phrase or anything similar to that, I literally feel sick to my stomach.
"It's not that deep" is a thought that I have on an almost regular basis when scrolling social media. A lighthearted comment in the thread will be thwarted by a gang of "armchair psychologists"; of whom jump at every chance to over-analyze a TikTok video that is meant to be a satire.
God, yes. That phrase—“I acted from an unhealed place”—can feel like a gut punch when you’ve been on the receiving end of that damage, especially when it’s used as a shield instead of a mirror. There's a difference between accountability and self-awareness as performance, and sometimes it’s hard to see it until you're already halfway gutted.
And I feel you on the scroll fatigue. The way every joke, every moment, every breath someone takes online is dissected like it’s a final thesis in trauma studies, it’s exhausting. Not everything is a portal to inner child work. Sometimes a TikTok is just a TikTok. There’s a strange irony in watching people perform hyper-empathy while actually bulldozing nuance and context.
A poignant reminder that some things come to worldwide mainstream attention and get hijacked and misused. I appreciate this take, Stephanie. I hadn’t really thought about therapy-speak being weaponized, since in my own experience with therapy and self-study, I have found answers and clarity to many—if not all—of the painful things I have lived through. Yet, as I recall many interactions, particularly on social media, it’s definitely apparent that it has been overused and commodified to fit narratives or serve ulterior motives, instead of what it should have always been: the strengthening of our internal compass—a recalibration toward self-accountability, and inner knowing.
Thank you so much for this thoughtful response. I really resonate with what you said. Therapy and self-study can be profound sources of healing and clarity, and that kind of personal insight is such a sacred thing. What’s difficult is watching language that was meant to guide us inward get used in public spaces in ways that feel performative or even manipulative. It loses its depth when it’s pulled out of context and turned into a tool to control a narrative, rather than support growth.
I love how you put it, that it should be a strengthening of the internal compass. That captures it perfectly. At its best, this language helps us return to ourselves with more honesty and intention, not hide behind clever phrasing or detached analysis. Thank you for holding space for both realities.
Thank you so much. I couldn’t agree more. Love, the real kind, is messy and stretchy and full of grace. It’s not always easy, but that quiet act of choosing to forgive, again and again, feels like the bravest kind of devotion. So yes, more love. Always voting yes on that.
Yes! Can we please retire “hyperfixated” and just let people really like stuff again? Everything doesn’t have to be pathologized. Sometimes you're just wildly into an artist or a snack or a niche internet rabbit hole, and it’s not a symptom, it’s joy. Bring back loving things with your whole chest, no diagnosis required.
I did really like your article though! The duality of using therapy speak while also finding it insufficient to connect with other people is something I struggle with a lot!
That duality is so real. It’s like therapy speak gives us the tools to name what we’re feeling, but sometimes the naming builds a wall instead of a bridge. I find myself craving language that’s both precise and human, that can hold both the nuance and the mess. It’s such a weird limbo, trying to connect more deeply while using a vocabulary that can feel strangely disconnected. You’re definitely not alone in that tug-of-war.
I do think there is a distinction between people using therapy speak to deflect personal responsibility or to withdraw from others (if anything, these would be behaviors that would get pushback in a decent therapy session).
That said I think for a lot of people (including myself), therapy has been a space to unlearn an entire bucket load of trauma. The language can sometimes be clinical, even robotic, but it is the skeleton of an emotional scaffolding I’m trying to repair after my original was set on fire, flooded, and hit by a dumpster truck. “Therapy speak” is sometimes the first non-abusive, non-neglectful, undistorted way that many people start to learn to relate to others.
Yes, absolutely. I really appreciate this perspective. I think that’s the tension, that the same language can be life-saving for one person and distancing for another, depending on context and intention. And you're so right: in a good therapy session, avoidance disguised as self-awareness usually gets gently (or not-so-gently) challenged.
For so many, especially those of us whose original emotional scaffolding was less “foundation” and more “gas leak,” therapy speak can feel like learning to walk again. It might sound clunky or clinical, but it's often the first safe framework for understanding ourselves and others without distortion. The key, I think, is remembering that the goal isn’t to live in the language, but to eventually live beyond it. And with more clarity, connection, and choice.
Yes yes yes - “ A slow decay of nuance” - that, IMO, is the crux of it. People are complicated- all of us. I like to ask, “what else might be true?” when I feel slighted by someone. Rather than take everything personally, I do my best to reframe it.
The practice of rupture and repair is a lost art, apparently.
This essay made me think of the Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. Particularly the, Don’t Take Everything Personally. That one has changed so many of my relationships.
Great essay, Stephanie! I appreciate your take on all of this.
Thank you so much, that really means a lot. And yes, “what else might be true?” is such a powerful question. It creates a much-needed pause between reaction and response, and in that space, we get a chance to choose something softer, something more curious. I agree completely. Rupture and repair takes real courage, and somewhere along the way, we started skipping the repair part entirely.
I LOVE The Four Agreements. “Don’t take things personally” feels so simple on paper and impossibly hard in practice. But when it finally clicks, it shifts everything. Thank you for sharing this. I’m really grateful the piece sparked something for you.
Great piece! Let’s remind each other that we all are still becoming, none of us has any idea how life works and we should aim to create unity, not separation.
Thank you so much. Yes, completely agree. We're all just figuring it out as we go. Stumbling, learning, unlearning, and trying again. I love the idea of holding space for each other in that in-between. Unity feels so much more human than the constant urge to divide and define. Let’s keep reminding each other of that.
“I acted from an unhealed place.”
I've heard this from a man who was trying to excuse the damage he had done. Unbeknownst to me at the time, he was still doing damage. I missed the red flag because I was chest-deep in spirituality, while also drinking myself stupid most nights. Now that I know, anytime I see or hear that phrase or anything similar to that, I literally feel sick to my stomach.
"It's not that deep" is a thought that I have on an almost regular basis when scrolling social media. A lighthearted comment in the thread will be thwarted by a gang of "armchair psychologists"; of whom jump at every chance to over-analyze a TikTok video that is meant to be a satire.
God, yes. That phrase—“I acted from an unhealed place”—can feel like a gut punch when you’ve been on the receiving end of that damage, especially when it’s used as a shield instead of a mirror. There's a difference between accountability and self-awareness as performance, and sometimes it’s hard to see it until you're already halfway gutted.
And I feel you on the scroll fatigue. The way every joke, every moment, every breath someone takes online is dissected like it’s a final thesis in trauma studies, it’s exhausting. Not everything is a portal to inner child work. Sometimes a TikTok is just a TikTok. There’s a strange irony in watching people perform hyper-empathy while actually bulldozing nuance and context.
A poignant reminder that some things come to worldwide mainstream attention and get hijacked and misused. I appreciate this take, Stephanie. I hadn’t really thought about therapy-speak being weaponized, since in my own experience with therapy and self-study, I have found answers and clarity to many—if not all—of the painful things I have lived through. Yet, as I recall many interactions, particularly on social media, it’s definitely apparent that it has been overused and commodified to fit narratives or serve ulterior motives, instead of what it should have always been: the strengthening of our internal compass—a recalibration toward self-accountability, and inner knowing.
Thank you so much for this thoughtful response. I really resonate with what you said. Therapy and self-study can be profound sources of healing and clarity, and that kind of personal insight is such a sacred thing. What’s difficult is watching language that was meant to guide us inward get used in public spaces in ways that feel performative or even manipulative. It loses its depth when it’s pulled out of context and turned into a tool to control a narrative, rather than support growth.
I love how you put it, that it should be a strengthening of the internal compass. That captures it perfectly. At its best, this language helps us return to ourselves with more honesty and intention, not hide behind clever phrasing or detached analysis. Thank you for holding space for both realities.
Wonderful, Stephanie. I think love is an act of endless forgiveness. And I vote for more love!
Thank you so much. I couldn’t agree more. Love, the real kind, is messy and stretchy and full of grace. It’s not always easy, but that quiet act of choosing to forgive, again and again, feels like the bravest kind of devotion. So yes, more love. Always voting yes on that.
I was thinking about this on a walk earlier. My least favourite overused phrase is hyper fixated. Bring back simply liking things heaps.
Yes! Can we please retire “hyperfixated” and just let people really like stuff again? Everything doesn’t have to be pathologized. Sometimes you're just wildly into an artist or a snack or a niche internet rabbit hole, and it’s not a symptom, it’s joy. Bring back loving things with your whole chest, no diagnosis required.
I shared this with a psychologist friend and she LOVED it
Omg, this made my entire day! Thank you so much 🩷
I did really like your article though! The duality of using therapy speak while also finding it insufficient to connect with other people is something I struggle with a lot!
That duality is so real. It’s like therapy speak gives us the tools to name what we’re feeling, but sometimes the naming builds a wall instead of a bridge. I find myself craving language that’s both precise and human, that can hold both the nuance and the mess. It’s such a weird limbo, trying to connect more deeply while using a vocabulary that can feel strangely disconnected. You’re definitely not alone in that tug-of-war.
I do think there is a distinction between people using therapy speak to deflect personal responsibility or to withdraw from others (if anything, these would be behaviors that would get pushback in a decent therapy session).
That said I think for a lot of people (including myself), therapy has been a space to unlearn an entire bucket load of trauma. The language can sometimes be clinical, even robotic, but it is the skeleton of an emotional scaffolding I’m trying to repair after my original was set on fire, flooded, and hit by a dumpster truck. “Therapy speak” is sometimes the first non-abusive, non-neglectful, undistorted way that many people start to learn to relate to others.
Yes, absolutely. I really appreciate this perspective. I think that’s the tension, that the same language can be life-saving for one person and distancing for another, depending on context and intention. And you're so right: in a good therapy session, avoidance disguised as self-awareness usually gets gently (or not-so-gently) challenged.
For so many, especially those of us whose original emotional scaffolding was less “foundation” and more “gas leak,” therapy speak can feel like learning to walk again. It might sound clunky or clinical, but it's often the first safe framework for understanding ourselves and others without distortion. The key, I think, is remembering that the goal isn’t to live in the language, but to eventually live beyond it. And with more clarity, connection, and choice.
Amazing piece. Made me feel so tender and hopeful. Tearing up at my office desk at 9 a.m.
Thank you, truly. I’m so glad this landed with tenderness and hope. That’s all I could ever hope for.
Yes yes yes - “ A slow decay of nuance” - that, IMO, is the crux of it. People are complicated- all of us. I like to ask, “what else might be true?” when I feel slighted by someone. Rather than take everything personally, I do my best to reframe it.
The practice of rupture and repair is a lost art, apparently.
This essay made me think of the Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. Particularly the, Don’t Take Everything Personally. That one has changed so many of my relationships.
Great essay, Stephanie! I appreciate your take on all of this.
Thank you so much, that really means a lot. And yes, “what else might be true?” is such a powerful question. It creates a much-needed pause between reaction and response, and in that space, we get a chance to choose something softer, something more curious. I agree completely. Rupture and repair takes real courage, and somewhere along the way, we started skipping the repair part entirely.
I LOVE The Four Agreements. “Don’t take things personally” feels so simple on paper and impossibly hard in practice. But when it finally clicks, it shifts everything. Thank you for sharing this. I’m really grateful the piece sparked something for you.
Great piece! Let’s remind each other that we all are still becoming, none of us has any idea how life works and we should aim to create unity, not separation.
Thank you so much. Yes, completely agree. We're all just figuring it out as we go. Stumbling, learning, unlearning, and trying again. I love the idea of holding space for each other in that in-between. Unity feels so much more human than the constant urge to divide and define. Let’s keep reminding each other of that.
You were able to put so many complicated thoughts and feelings that I have into words. Thank you for this piece.
Thank you for being here!