Yes to all of this. ❤️ Renaming and reframing what I do has been important for me. I’ve gone from a quest for self improvement to soul care. Now there is no there to improve towards, it’s just care for my soul.
I absolutely love this shift from self-improvement to soul care. ❤️ It feels so much more compassionate and freeing when there’s no pressure to reach some elusive "there," but instead, it's about nurturing yourself in the moment. Soul care embraces the idea that you’re already whole, and it’s about tending to your well-being, your spirit, and your needs in a way that honors who you are right now. That shift in focus brings so much more peace, doesn’t it? It’s like giving yourself permission to just be while still growing in a way that feels natural and aligned with your essence.
I love the concept of “soul care”! I think that taking care of ourselves and appreciating ourselves in this moment will lead us to minor changes that transform to major lifestyle changes and therefore the results you would want anyway. Except now you are looking at it through the lens of treating yourself and making the most of this version of yourself as you embrace the others.
“…The danger here is that we start to feel like there’s something wrong with us when healing doesn’t come. We wonder if we’re broken beyond repair….”
An excellent point. Thanks for writing this piece. It’s very aligned with my practice for more than 30 years and why I started my Always Inspiring publication. We are too obsessed with brokenness and don’t take time to recognize what is working and going well. And how far we have/do grow every day. It’s why I write “Good News Friday” as frequently as possible, mostly as a personal reminder but a contextual reaffirmation that we - and the world around us - are doing better than we think. And that while we strive to improve, the effort is for growing people, not broken ones. I Appreciate this piece very much.
Hi Matthew! I am looking forward to checking out your work. Your "Good News Friday" sounds like a beautiful practice—both as a reminder of progress and as a way to reframe how we see the world around us. In a culture that often focuses on deficits or what's missing, it's crucial to acknowledge the everyday growth, resilience, and positive shifts we experience. I think it aligns perfectly with the idea that we are works in progress, constantly evolving, not because we're broken, but because we have the capacity to keep growing and thriving.
Gosh I love this! As someone who has had depression and anxiety for over 30 years, I am constantly working on myself.
Recently I met a coach who has encouraged me to accept myself as I am. Flaws and all. It’s the first time I’ve worked on myself from this perspective. It’s been helpful to balance all the “need” to fix issues I thought I had. Some of my quirks are my mother truckin’ superpower 🦸♀️ now.
I absolutely love this perspective! It’s so empowering to shift from a mindset of constantly “fixing” ourselves to embracing who we are, quirks and all. That’s such a beautiful and transformative journey. It’s amazing how our so-called flaws can turn into our greatest strengths when we start to accept ourselves fully. Keep owning those superpowers!
I’ve ruminated with a similar thought yesterday: What if nothing in my life ever will «get better»? Then how would I live? I’ve taken self-improvement too far and it’s become another addiction and reason to shame and guilt myself for not being where I thought I should or could be at this point in life. Maybe life just wants to be a mess right now.
It's such a deeply human thought to wonder, "What if nothing ever gets better?" When we've spent so long chasing improvement or working to become the best version of ourselves, it can feel like the finish line keeps moving further away. It’s easy to fall of feeling like self-improvement is just another way to punish ourselves for not being "enough." But maybe, as you said, life does just want to be messy right now. Maybe the journey isn’t about constantly striving for better, but learning to exist within the mess—allowing ourselves to breathe and accept where we are, even if it's not where we thought we’d be. There’s a kind of freedom in that, isn't there? In letting go of the need to fix things and simply live in the present as it is, rather than how we think it should be.
There is freedom in acceptance. Since I let go of the thought of having to improve myself and my life on Saturday (3 days ago) I’ve made a ton of progress on projects that have been hanging over me for weeks or months even. Funny how that works.
This part >> What if true healing is about accepting ourselves as we are, in all our messiness, imperfection, and humanity?
It's possible to grow... without needing to be fixed. I decided last year I was done being "fixed"... the acceptance that comes after that declaration (probably before!) has allowed creativity, growth and expansion.
Absolutely! Embracing our messiness and imperfections is such a powerful step toward true healing. It’s liberating to recognize that we don’t have to be “fixed” to grow and evolve. Accepting ourselves as we are creates space for creativity and genuine transformation. I’m glad you found resonance in this idea—thank you for sharing your experience!
As I am embracing my glow up journey I am realizing that I need to focus on making the most of the journey itself, and how worthy the version of myself is now for all that I want. Why wait until I am a specific version of myself to give me the things I know I deserve! If we look at our healing like that we will always be chasing and never accepting all we already have and gained!
Yes, exactly! I love how you’re embracing your glow-up journey while recognizing the importance of honoring who you are right now. It’s such a powerful shift to realize that we don’t have to wait for some “perfect” future version of ourselves to feel deserving. When we’re constantly chasing, we miss the beauty of who we already are and all we’ve achieved along the way.
You’re so right—focusing on the journey itself allows us to live more fully in the present and appreciate all the growth and wisdom we’ve already gained. It’s such a beautiful reminder that we’re worthy at every stage, not just when we’ve reached some imagined end point. Love everything about this mindset!
Chronic illness doesn’t always have to be chronic. Unless you’re born with a condition, you can usually heal. I think cultivating our expansion is important because if you’re not consciously growing, you’re stagnating. Everything in life is either growing or dying. Nothing stands still. I agree healing can become addictive and toxic, but that’s because it’s so past focused. I think we need to consciously direct our growth forward while cultivating peace in the present, building our lives in such a way that each day is joyful in itself. I think that when we naturally grow in this way, past situations will sometimes need to be worked through on different levels so we can identify mindsets, emotions or behavioral patterns holding us back. I think what therapy gets wrong is an obsession with the past, thinking if we ‘heal’ our past, the future will take care of itself, but we need to consciously build toward that future otherwise we’ll fall back into destructive patterns that drive us, and end up doing more needless introspection. Therapy also excessively medicalizes the human condition but that’s another conversation altogether. When people don’t apply their focus and brain power to creating the future, they naturally look to the past, and if you keep digging in old wounds, you don’t allow them to heal. That’s why I promote strategic inner work. Figure out exactly what’s holding you back and address that enough to move forward. That should be goal - not endless, pointless introspection that results in people becoming neurotic and unhappy.
I appreciate your perspective on healing and growth. It’s true that healing can sometimes lead to an overemphasis on the past, potentially becoming a source of stagnation if not approached with balance. I agree with the idea that we should focus on forward growth and cultivate peace in the present. It's about finding a way to integrate past lessons without letting them dominate our present or future.
However, I think it's important to recognize that healing isn't always about "getting over" something; sometimes, it's about learning to live with parts of ourselves that won't ever fully disappear. Chronic illness, whether physical or emotional, can be something people manage, not necessarily something they “heal” from. The same can be said for past trauma—it may not vanish, but how we relate to it can evolve. The goal for me personally is often not to erase the past but to allow it to lose its power over me while building a future that I actively create.
Your point on therapy resonates—healing the past doesn't automatically build the future. I agree that forward-focused, strategic inner work is crucial, especially when it comes to preventing the endless cycle of introspection. Yet, for some, past work is a necessary foundation before they can effectively focus on the future. For others, an overemphasis on healing can indeed become a trap, leading to a sort of paralysis where they never feel "healed enough" to move forward.
Ultimately, I think it's about balance—acknowledging that healing is a personal journey that looks different for everyone. We can address what holds us back while also actively creating a future that brings us joy and fulfillment, staying rooted in the present. Growth doesn’t always mean looking backward or forward exclusively; it’s about integrating both in a way that serves us.
I think the temptation is to outsource this ‘work’ to books etc and absolve all responsibility. The truth is this things might inspire and support but they’re not the whole answer. Being able to buy mugs or cushions with self help platitudes also undersells the seriousness of mental health issues but I guess it’s better than no awareness at all - perhaps that’s your next post!
You're absolutely right. It’s so easy to fall into the trap of outsourcing healing to books, seminars, or even Instagram quotes, hoping that something external will magically fix us. Those things can certainly inspire or guide us, but they’re just tools, not solutions. The real work comes from within—taking responsibility for our mental health and our healing journey. We can’t rely on a mantra printed on a cushion to dig us out of our deepest struggles. At the same time, those little moments of awareness—whether through a book or a quote—can be the spark that gets us thinking or feeling in a new way.
It’s definitely important to acknowledge how this “self-help industrial complex” can oversimplify serious issues like trauma or mental health, making it seem like a few affirmations are enough. But at the end of the day it’s better than no awareness at all. Maybe that’s where the balance lies—using these tools as a starting point, but not letting them replace the deeper work. And honestly, that could be a great idea for a future post: exploring the fine line between self-help culture and the true gravity of mental health. It’s a conversation we need to have, especially in a world that tends to commodify fully acknowledging the depth and complexity of the healing process. We need to emphasize that healing is a nuanced, often messy journey that requires our active participation and commitment. It’s about embracing the discomfort, facing our struggles head-on, and cultivating self-compassion along the way. By encouraging a more honest dialogue about mental health, we can help demystify the process and remind ourselves—and others—that it's okay not to have it all figured out. Thank you for inspiring this deeper reflection!
Healing is most definitely a practice. Personally, I think one of the greatest skills we can learn is to sit with emotional discomfort. We are so quick to try and fix and mend and stop the pain, but often that depth of emotion needs to be felt fully before we can really move through it. You know?
This! Nowadays we have so many ways to escape and numb discomfort that we have lost almost all tolerance to it. Then even small doses unsettle us completely, let alone the greater ones. We should all be practicing sitting with discomfort!
I thoroughly enjoyed reading this. I agree that some of the wellness industry has gone too far. For people who tend towards anxiety (Am I doing this right? Am I doing this enough? Am I missing out on some benefit because I can’t afford xyz?) and for people with chronic illnesses especially. As you mentioned, the never ending pursuit of holistic wellness can be exhausting. Of course it’s great to have a growth mindset and to improve things you want to improve on, but at least for me I get distracted by wanting to improve on or start everything all at once, because it seems like everyone else is already better at those things. It causes burnout and debt, chasing masterclasses and courses and new supplements and mental health apps and all sorts of things geared towards self improvement. It definitely can be counterproductive and even unhealthy.
Thank you for your thoughtful response! I completely resonate with what you said, especially about how wellness culture can amplify anxiety—constantly questioning if you’re doing enough or if you’re missing out on something critical for your health. It can create a pressure to keep up, which leads to burnout and, as you mentioned, even debt from chasing the next best thing. That overwhelming feeling of needing to improve everything at once is so real, and it can be tough to filter through all the noise and just focus on what feels genuinely right for you. It’s a delicate balance between wanting to grow and not getting lost in the endless pursuit of perfection.
I feel like the fear or ability of trying to "overly correct" yourself isn't talked about enough. it's definitely a thin line to walk more times than not. AWESOME READ!
As I study psychology and look forward to being a therapist in the future, I’ve been in the wellness world for a decade now starting from my teenage years… it’s been nice and transformative and I know and learned so much.. but it got to the point as you described where my main goal in life was just being my best best self and optimizing myself.. that need to control my inner world, probably as a reflection to the outer world being to chaotic. I finally started reading fiction books for pleasure after years of self help books and endless research, it all just became too much.
You put into words exactly what I’ve been thinking lately, glad I’m not the only one. Thanks for your perspective Stephanie🤍
Thank you for this piece. I love it. When I realized I was married to my chronic pain I was able to start accepting it and managing it differently. This became less about "fixing" myself and more about acknowledging pain without fear or judgment. In the not fixing I actually did start to heal and found new purpose (ie writing, public speaking, etc). We're not broken!
You're so welcome! Your realization is incredibly powerful. Accepting pain without fear or judgment really changes the whole dynamic, doesn't it? The shift from "fixing" to embracing it as part of your story allows space for healing in ways we might not expect. And it's amazing that in this acceptance, you've discovered new purpose through writing and public speaking—what a beautiful transformation. You're absolutely right, we're not broken! Thank you for sharing this insight.
I hit this wall a few years ago - I had read so many books and they were just the same thing repackaged and resold over and over again. Thanks to a (good) therapist, I was able to shift my focus from healing to living and it’s been a game changer. Healing is always there, but it’s okay to also just live life where you are, too.
It sounds like you’ve reached a really powerful realization. Sometimes, the endless pursuit of healing can feel like chasing something elusive, but shifting your focus to living in the present can be transformative. Healing doesn’t have to be the main storyline all the time—it can coexist with simply enjoying life where you are right now. I'm so glad that your therapist helped you reframe that perspective. Living and healing, instead of one over the other, really changes the game.
"What if true healing is about accepting ourselves as we are, in all our messiness, imperfection, and humanity?"
Yes. Exactly this. You write this so well. I think weather or not "healing" will happen can be can be summed as this :
if we're trying to heal to not feel the way we do, or feel the way we do so we can heal.
In other words, accepting emotions and the pain we are in. For me personally, I DID reach healing when I finally did accept my own suffering, which I did through compassion based therapy and mindful self compassion. In my opinion, we need to talk more about normalizing pain and suffering. Pain doesn't bite, as long as you accept it.
Your perspective resonates deeply with me. That distinction between trying to heal to escape our feelings and instead allowing ourselves to feel in order to heal is so important. When we stop fighting the pain and lean into it with acceptance and compassion, true healing can begin. It’s powerful that you found your path through compassion-based therapy—it really is about learning to hold space for our own suffering without judgment. Normalizing pain, embracing our full emotional spectrum, is a conversation that’s long overdue. Pain becomes less scary when we stop resisting it. Thank you for sharing your experience.
As a mental health therapist myself, people come to me to heal their lives but I prefer to support them as they learn to live. Healing is meant to be a part of living, not a full time job.
I see “healing” as paying attention to something that hurts. We acknowledge it, we offer it support, we tend to its needs and then we continue on with our day and life.
Some seasons require a lot more love and nurturing and that’s okay. But we don’t have to nor can we fix being human.
Thank you so much for sharing your insights! I love your perspective as a mental health therapist. It’s so important to approach healing as a part of living rather than an ongoing job. Acknowledging and tending to what hurts is crucial, but it’s equally important to keep moving forward and embracing life.
I appreciate your reminder that some seasons do require more love and nurturing, and that’s perfectly okay. It’s all part of the human experience. Accepting our imperfections and the complexities of being human is a beautiful way to approach life. Your approach really highlights the balance between healing and living, and it’s inspiring!
Yes to all of this. ❤️ Renaming and reframing what I do has been important for me. I’ve gone from a quest for self improvement to soul care. Now there is no there to improve towards, it’s just care for my soul.
I absolutely love this shift from self-improvement to soul care. ❤️ It feels so much more compassionate and freeing when there’s no pressure to reach some elusive "there," but instead, it's about nurturing yourself in the moment. Soul care embraces the idea that you’re already whole, and it’s about tending to your well-being, your spirit, and your needs in a way that honors who you are right now. That shift in focus brings so much more peace, doesn’t it? It’s like giving yourself permission to just be while still growing in a way that feels natural and aligned with your essence.
Yes, exactly! You hit the nail on the head. I have found this reframing very powerful.
I love the concept of “soul care”! I think that taking care of ourselves and appreciating ourselves in this moment will lead us to minor changes that transform to major lifestyle changes and therefore the results you would want anyway. Except now you are looking at it through the lens of treating yourself and making the most of this version of yourself as you embrace the others.
“…The danger here is that we start to feel like there’s something wrong with us when healing doesn’t come. We wonder if we’re broken beyond repair….”
An excellent point. Thanks for writing this piece. It’s very aligned with my practice for more than 30 years and why I started my Always Inspiring publication. We are too obsessed with brokenness and don’t take time to recognize what is working and going well. And how far we have/do grow every day. It’s why I write “Good News Friday” as frequently as possible, mostly as a personal reminder but a contextual reaffirmation that we - and the world around us - are doing better than we think. And that while we strive to improve, the effort is for growing people, not broken ones. I Appreciate this piece very much.
Hi Matthew! I am looking forward to checking out your work. Your "Good News Friday" sounds like a beautiful practice—both as a reminder of progress and as a way to reframe how we see the world around us. In a culture that often focuses on deficits or what's missing, it's crucial to acknowledge the everyday growth, resilience, and positive shifts we experience. I think it aligns perfectly with the idea that we are works in progress, constantly evolving, not because we're broken, but because we have the capacity to keep growing and thriving.
Gosh I love this! As someone who has had depression and anxiety for over 30 years, I am constantly working on myself.
Recently I met a coach who has encouraged me to accept myself as I am. Flaws and all. It’s the first time I’ve worked on myself from this perspective. It’s been helpful to balance all the “need” to fix issues I thought I had. Some of my quirks are my mother truckin’ superpower 🦸♀️ now.
I absolutely love this perspective! It’s so empowering to shift from a mindset of constantly “fixing” ourselves to embracing who we are, quirks and all. That’s such a beautiful and transformative journey. It’s amazing how our so-called flaws can turn into our greatest strengths when we start to accept ourselves fully. Keep owning those superpowers!
I’ve ruminated with a similar thought yesterday: What if nothing in my life ever will «get better»? Then how would I live? I’ve taken self-improvement too far and it’s become another addiction and reason to shame and guilt myself for not being where I thought I should or could be at this point in life. Maybe life just wants to be a mess right now.
It's such a deeply human thought to wonder, "What if nothing ever gets better?" When we've spent so long chasing improvement or working to become the best version of ourselves, it can feel like the finish line keeps moving further away. It’s easy to fall of feeling like self-improvement is just another way to punish ourselves for not being "enough." But maybe, as you said, life does just want to be messy right now. Maybe the journey isn’t about constantly striving for better, but learning to exist within the mess—allowing ourselves to breathe and accept where we are, even if it's not where we thought we’d be. There’s a kind of freedom in that, isn't there? In letting go of the need to fix things and simply live in the present as it is, rather than how we think it should be.
There is freedom in acceptance. Since I let go of the thought of having to improve myself and my life on Saturday (3 days ago) I’ve made a ton of progress on projects that have been hanging over me for weeks or months even. Funny how that works.
This part >> What if true healing is about accepting ourselves as we are, in all our messiness, imperfection, and humanity?
It's possible to grow... without needing to be fixed. I decided last year I was done being "fixed"... the acceptance that comes after that declaration (probably before!) has allowed creativity, growth and expansion.
Thanks for sharing this insight!
Absolutely! Embracing our messiness and imperfections is such a powerful step toward true healing. It’s liberating to recognize that we don’t have to be “fixed” to grow and evolve. Accepting ourselves as we are creates space for creativity and genuine transformation. I’m glad you found resonance in this idea—thank you for sharing your experience!
I couldn't agree more with you here babe!
As I am embracing my glow up journey I am realizing that I need to focus on making the most of the journey itself, and how worthy the version of myself is now for all that I want. Why wait until I am a specific version of myself to give me the things I know I deserve! If we look at our healing like that we will always be chasing and never accepting all we already have and gained!
Yes, exactly! I love how you’re embracing your glow-up journey while recognizing the importance of honoring who you are right now. It’s such a powerful shift to realize that we don’t have to wait for some “perfect” future version of ourselves to feel deserving. When we’re constantly chasing, we miss the beauty of who we already are and all we’ve achieved along the way.
You’re so right—focusing on the journey itself allows us to live more fully in the present and appreciate all the growth and wisdom we’ve already gained. It’s such a beautiful reminder that we’re worthy at every stage, not just when we’ve reached some imagined end point. Love everything about this mindset!
Chronic illness doesn’t always have to be chronic. Unless you’re born with a condition, you can usually heal. I think cultivating our expansion is important because if you’re not consciously growing, you’re stagnating. Everything in life is either growing or dying. Nothing stands still. I agree healing can become addictive and toxic, but that’s because it’s so past focused. I think we need to consciously direct our growth forward while cultivating peace in the present, building our lives in such a way that each day is joyful in itself. I think that when we naturally grow in this way, past situations will sometimes need to be worked through on different levels so we can identify mindsets, emotions or behavioral patterns holding us back. I think what therapy gets wrong is an obsession with the past, thinking if we ‘heal’ our past, the future will take care of itself, but we need to consciously build toward that future otherwise we’ll fall back into destructive patterns that drive us, and end up doing more needless introspection. Therapy also excessively medicalizes the human condition but that’s another conversation altogether. When people don’t apply their focus and brain power to creating the future, they naturally look to the past, and if you keep digging in old wounds, you don’t allow them to heal. That’s why I promote strategic inner work. Figure out exactly what’s holding you back and address that enough to move forward. That should be goal - not endless, pointless introspection that results in people becoming neurotic and unhappy.
I appreciate your perspective on healing and growth. It’s true that healing can sometimes lead to an overemphasis on the past, potentially becoming a source of stagnation if not approached with balance. I agree with the idea that we should focus on forward growth and cultivate peace in the present. It's about finding a way to integrate past lessons without letting them dominate our present or future.
However, I think it's important to recognize that healing isn't always about "getting over" something; sometimes, it's about learning to live with parts of ourselves that won't ever fully disappear. Chronic illness, whether physical or emotional, can be something people manage, not necessarily something they “heal” from. The same can be said for past trauma—it may not vanish, but how we relate to it can evolve. The goal for me personally is often not to erase the past but to allow it to lose its power over me while building a future that I actively create.
Your point on therapy resonates—healing the past doesn't automatically build the future. I agree that forward-focused, strategic inner work is crucial, especially when it comes to preventing the endless cycle of introspection. Yet, for some, past work is a necessary foundation before they can effectively focus on the future. For others, an overemphasis on healing can indeed become a trap, leading to a sort of paralysis where they never feel "healed enough" to move forward.
Ultimately, I think it's about balance—acknowledging that healing is a personal journey that looks different for everyone. We can address what holds us back while also actively creating a future that brings us joy and fulfillment, staying rooted in the present. Growth doesn’t always mean looking backward or forward exclusively; it’s about integrating both in a way that serves us.
oooo I’ve also broken up with healing and have a LOT to say about this, gunna come back to this !!
Yes please! Can’t wait to hear your thoughts.
I think the temptation is to outsource this ‘work’ to books etc and absolve all responsibility. The truth is this things might inspire and support but they’re not the whole answer. Being able to buy mugs or cushions with self help platitudes also undersells the seriousness of mental health issues but I guess it’s better than no awareness at all - perhaps that’s your next post!
You're absolutely right. It’s so easy to fall into the trap of outsourcing healing to books, seminars, or even Instagram quotes, hoping that something external will magically fix us. Those things can certainly inspire or guide us, but they’re just tools, not solutions. The real work comes from within—taking responsibility for our mental health and our healing journey. We can’t rely on a mantra printed on a cushion to dig us out of our deepest struggles. At the same time, those little moments of awareness—whether through a book or a quote—can be the spark that gets us thinking or feeling in a new way.
It’s definitely important to acknowledge how this “self-help industrial complex” can oversimplify serious issues like trauma or mental health, making it seem like a few affirmations are enough. But at the end of the day it’s better than no awareness at all. Maybe that’s where the balance lies—using these tools as a starting point, but not letting them replace the deeper work. And honestly, that could be a great idea for a future post: exploring the fine line between self-help culture and the true gravity of mental health. It’s a conversation we need to have, especially in a world that tends to commodify fully acknowledging the depth and complexity of the healing process. We need to emphasize that healing is a nuanced, often messy journey that requires our active participation and commitment. It’s about embracing the discomfort, facing our struggles head-on, and cultivating self-compassion along the way. By encouraging a more honest dialogue about mental health, we can help demystify the process and remind ourselves—and others—that it's okay not to have it all figured out. Thank you for inspiring this deeper reflection!
Amazing! Perhaps I could DM you and we can discuss?!
Yes! Please do :)
You’re most welcome! I’d love to chat about this further as it’s something I’ve thought a lot about. Perhaps we should co-host a chat on it?!
That would be incredible!
Yes. Just another way to abandon ourselves.
It’s a trap, the linear mind wants a strategy, and that’s not what we need. On the other hand, that’s not to say that we don’t need action.
Healing is most definitely a practice. Personally, I think one of the greatest skills we can learn is to sit with emotional discomfort. We are so quick to try and fix and mend and stop the pain, but often that depth of emotion needs to be felt fully before we can really move through it. You know?
Totally agree! Letting ourselves feel and fully is the best thing that we can do.
This! Nowadays we have so many ways to escape and numb discomfort that we have lost almost all tolerance to it. Then even small doses unsettle us completely, let alone the greater ones. We should all be practicing sitting with discomfort!
I thoroughly enjoyed reading this. I agree that some of the wellness industry has gone too far. For people who tend towards anxiety (Am I doing this right? Am I doing this enough? Am I missing out on some benefit because I can’t afford xyz?) and for people with chronic illnesses especially. As you mentioned, the never ending pursuit of holistic wellness can be exhausting. Of course it’s great to have a growth mindset and to improve things you want to improve on, but at least for me I get distracted by wanting to improve on or start everything all at once, because it seems like everyone else is already better at those things. It causes burnout and debt, chasing masterclasses and courses and new supplements and mental health apps and all sorts of things geared towards self improvement. It definitely can be counterproductive and even unhealthy.
Thank you for your thoughtful response! I completely resonate with what you said, especially about how wellness culture can amplify anxiety—constantly questioning if you’re doing enough or if you’re missing out on something critical for your health. It can create a pressure to keep up, which leads to burnout and, as you mentioned, even debt from chasing the next best thing. That overwhelming feeling of needing to improve everything at once is so real, and it can be tough to filter through all the noise and just focus on what feels genuinely right for you. It’s a delicate balance between wanting to grow and not getting lost in the endless pursuit of perfection.
I feel like the fear or ability of trying to "overly correct" yourself isn't talked about enough. it's definitely a thin line to walk more times than not. AWESOME READ!
Thank you!
As I study psychology and look forward to being a therapist in the future, I’ve been in the wellness world for a decade now starting from my teenage years… it’s been nice and transformative and I know and learned so much.. but it got to the point as you described where my main goal in life was just being my best best self and optimizing myself.. that need to control my inner world, probably as a reflection to the outer world being to chaotic. I finally started reading fiction books for pleasure after years of self help books and endless research, it all just became too much.
You put into words exactly what I’ve been thinking lately, glad I’m not the only one. Thanks for your perspective Stephanie🤍
Thank you for this piece. I love it. When I realized I was married to my chronic pain I was able to start accepting it and managing it differently. This became less about "fixing" myself and more about acknowledging pain without fear or judgment. In the not fixing I actually did start to heal and found new purpose (ie writing, public speaking, etc). We're not broken!
You're so welcome! Your realization is incredibly powerful. Accepting pain without fear or judgment really changes the whole dynamic, doesn't it? The shift from "fixing" to embracing it as part of your story allows space for healing in ways we might not expect. And it's amazing that in this acceptance, you've discovered new purpose through writing and public speaking—what a beautiful transformation. You're absolutely right, we're not broken! Thank you for sharing this insight.
I hit this wall a few years ago - I had read so many books and they were just the same thing repackaged and resold over and over again. Thanks to a (good) therapist, I was able to shift my focus from healing to living and it’s been a game changer. Healing is always there, but it’s okay to also just live life where you are, too.
It sounds like you’ve reached a really powerful realization. Sometimes, the endless pursuit of healing can feel like chasing something elusive, but shifting your focus to living in the present can be transformative. Healing doesn’t have to be the main storyline all the time—it can coexist with simply enjoying life where you are right now. I'm so glad that your therapist helped you reframe that perspective. Living and healing, instead of one over the other, really changes the game.
"What if true healing is about accepting ourselves as we are, in all our messiness, imperfection, and humanity?"
Yes. Exactly this. You write this so well. I think weather or not "healing" will happen can be can be summed as this :
if we're trying to heal to not feel the way we do, or feel the way we do so we can heal.
In other words, accepting emotions and the pain we are in. For me personally, I DID reach healing when I finally did accept my own suffering, which I did through compassion based therapy and mindful self compassion. In my opinion, we need to talk more about normalizing pain and suffering. Pain doesn't bite, as long as you accept it.
Your perspective resonates deeply with me. That distinction between trying to heal to escape our feelings and instead allowing ourselves to feel in order to heal is so important. When we stop fighting the pain and lean into it with acceptance and compassion, true healing can begin. It’s powerful that you found your path through compassion-based therapy—it really is about learning to hold space for our own suffering without judgment. Normalizing pain, embracing our full emotional spectrum, is a conversation that’s long overdue. Pain becomes less scary when we stop resisting it. Thank you for sharing your experience.
I love your thoughts! And I agree.
As a mental health therapist myself, people come to me to heal their lives but I prefer to support them as they learn to live. Healing is meant to be a part of living, not a full time job.
I see “healing” as paying attention to something that hurts. We acknowledge it, we offer it support, we tend to its needs and then we continue on with our day and life.
Some seasons require a lot more love and nurturing and that’s okay. But we don’t have to nor can we fix being human.
Thank you so much for sharing your insights! I love your perspective as a mental health therapist. It’s so important to approach healing as a part of living rather than an ongoing job. Acknowledging and tending to what hurts is crucial, but it’s equally important to keep moving forward and embracing life.
I appreciate your reminder that some seasons do require more love and nurturing, and that’s perfectly okay. It’s all part of the human experience. Accepting our imperfections and the complexities of being human is a beautiful way to approach life. Your approach really highlights the balance between healing and living, and it’s inspiring!